Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Indie Bands by Stelios Philip

Death Cab for Cutie
Girls who quote lyrics as their Facebook status.

Neon Indian
Gorilla Vs. Bear readers.

She & Him
People who hate Ben Gibbard.

Bon Iver
People with self-esteem issues and probably hate Ben Gibbard.

Washed Out
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a genre.

Memory Tapes
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a lifestyle.

The Shins
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.

Radiohead
Everyone.

READ

My Hero

You read my mind

the alchemist is my new bible

It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life so interesting.

The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.

When you know the universal language, it’s easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning ~ Maktub

Blup blup

Hello Fest! (made by Hello Motion) Is an Indonesian Motion Picture Arts Festival that celebrates all the young, crazy and talented film makers & animators throughout the country. Most of the films were independently made on small budget, but whether it was animated or shot on video cam, all the stories selected were purely crazy & creative.

The festival also had a costume competition, haha, most of the people that joined were obviously addicted to manga (japanese comic) and japanese culture. But it was very impressive to see the amount of work these people took to make their costumes. We saw an Indonesian or Javanese version of Transformers, which took the form of a yellow Gatot Kaca with a keris. And it baffled me to understand how on earth this kid made it!

My short film All in your Head made it into the festival. Sadly though, my short film didn't make the cut as finalists T_T the selected finalists for the competition wins an imac (cries*) and an award (Kuldesak Award) handed personally by Mira Lesmana, who is a famous film producer here (resposible for serious, nationalist films like Gie, Laskar Pelangi even Ada Apa dengan Cinta). But it was still worth to attend. I understood many possible reasons I didn't get in, as the movies featured were not only funny, but the type of humor that is very relatable with our culture. Most of all I believe it was makhtub. Haha. The finalists had to stand up in front of the whole audience for a Q & A session, which in no way would I be prepared for. It was a good learning experience. Things like this really motivate me to find a way to a be better story teller. I have also sent the movie to other major countries with that hopefully are more open. It's a very thrilling process to learn how people react to your ideas. And I'm looking forward for whatever the result is :))

"I want to look back at my life and say,

" HOLY SHIT! That was one hell of a ride!!""

- (quote unknown). found it on a friends FB :))

Erm...didn't know amubas exist in the industry

on film competitions

work it, work it

I'm trying to get back to the fit me, the healthy shiney me I know exists, deep down inside. I've learned from peoples random comments that perhaps I gain weight fast, and lose it fast depending on my state of mind (weight gain = stress & no sleep, weight loss = er..stress & no eat). How ever, the older I've got the less I care about what people think about my body image...it's true. Untill I look in the mirror! Hahaha..
The other day a friend at school actually pinched my stomach while I was directing. Which was weird. But from myself, I do feel unwell, and I don't feel I've been having an healthy diet.

I've been losing weight lately but from being ill, which isn't a good thing. My sis and I started a food journal to review what we consume everyday. Haha.. I have no idea how long we will keep this up for. What we are aiming for this way, is that I can cut down whatevers been making me feel unhealthy. I've been trying to run in the morning for an hour.. well, so far some mornings :)) but at least I'm starting. Also been eating fruits in the morning and starting to cook again. Only thing to fix is my unnatural sleeping habits. I hope to continue this regime so in the words of Olivia Newton John : Lets get physical...physical..!

pics courtesy of : threadcakes

youthful goodness

What a shameless excuse to post the latter :)

not enough

I wonder why Muslim organizations, particularly in Indonesia, are less organized and limited in providing help programs, compared to Christians? Indonesia is damn famous for being the most populous Muslim nation, but I only think that is because we are over populated. However, what I notice is that far too many Muslims in Indonesia take over context the meaning of PASRAH which literary means : surrendering - to be well.. a little too passive in terms of overcoming social problems. Almost as if people are waiting for a giant hand or miraculously someone of authority to solve it. I am not belittling people in need. I too believe in prayers and in human limitations, but their are far too many sufferings. Too many needs, and far too many misunderstandings in Indonesia. What I'm sad is too many people become hopeless as a result. And in many ways people are mislead in far too many religious sanctions that leaves people stagnant and afraid to take matters into their own hand. When in truth religion should be liberating. They wait for that structure from the government, from people that lead religious organizations. But this is not just about structure, or a limited budget, but also the mindset of our people.

For example when we have Zakat Fitrah in Eid, I watched masses of people on the news, that should have qued up either at a mosque, or wherever they provide those free basic necessities,. Yet people do not learn to line up or wait out of fear they won't receive any. People rush, push and in many cases stomp over each other killing people. I learned that this is a common event every year. Which I can't fathom. There are people donating their money to built mosque after mosque, orphanages, madrasah's - yet they don't necessary provide good facilities, have a good teaching system, or the basic teaching for the student's to be independent. Near my home, student's sleep on a carpet floor all together only with a sarung covering them up. Why?

I once checked out a Christian orphanage for a school project. The place is considerably large, neat, beds were provided and with good learning systems. They teach them ENGLISH as well. Then teach them to wash and cook, in turns. They learn to take turns. Recently, in Bangkok, Alex told me to check out this ship from the US that contained many used books from all over the world. The ship traveled around the world, and I thought hey I'd check it out. I didn't know it was a mission ship, but I got a tour cause a friend from school, Remy turned out to be there and we got a free tour. The people volunteering were from all over the world, they simply take out 2 years of their lives to travel and help in many rural places of the world. However, I was amazed at how organized everything was. The cabin, the laundry, the canteen - they make events, they have dentists, they have cooks, whatever - all of them were professional, but all were volunteers. I don't know whether they go around to preach their teachings as well. The ship stopped in Malaysia and Brunei but was unsurprisingly banned to enter Indonesia. I thought, this is exactly what I'm talking about. We also have a populous amount of Christians in our country that should be free to learn more about their religion. Why does the government have to ban the ship then?? What are they afraid of? I learned from the crew, when they go to certain places, such as a rural areas, they go in and teach the people how to built wells. Or teaching in orphanages and things like how to take care of themselves with medicine. When would or could Islam have such a system? What I think is people need to learn not just to receive things. Whoever those guys are -the authorities, organizations - people need to be reinforced with practical knowledge. Sure spiritual education is necessary but people need guidance and the optimism to understand how to make something more of them selves., so people can learn how to survive with that basic tool of knowledge and not just PASRAH....

Zombie Walking in BKK

one sided monologue days

A: Since when do you play the guitar??
B: You've known me these many years, and you still don't know that I rock?

my favorite short

midnight drama

Midnight magician,
come only at night
the time of tranquil
when no one's in sight

Midnight magician,
I’m losing my spades
please teach me that trick
to make illusions fade

Midnight magician,
come visit my dreams
what you might see
can be terribly mean

Midnight magician,
Do reveal your secret
For the show to go on,
First, make me forget

look good na, good looking

The most bizarre event happened to me. (As if the stupid things I've done post my 23th birthday isn't enough to describe how immature I've grown lol) I fulfilled a casting request for an insurance commercial. Everybody now: HAHAHAHA!!!

A friend working in the embassy was asked to look for an Indonesian girl, specifically one with a career woman look. Why they had to look for someone from the embassy to be cast is beyond me. Clearly I shrugged it off. I went home and Haris told me to go for it while giving me the number of that person. I took it but I didn't do anything about it until late in the afternoon. It was a home staff who explained to me it was an ad for an insurance product called Prudential Insurance. He also explained casting was going to last till 11 pm, so I sure did take my time. Not out of confidence, I had nothing to expect. But then I thought, hey why not? I thought worse comes to worse I'll still meet producers, see the process..besides they asked the embassy so maybe looks wasn't such a big deal. Or so I thought...

A friend whom promised would come then blew me off last minute. (Great huh! complicated teenage affairs). Dinda could've easily be cast I thought, but she was in Hua hin. And there I left to take a taxi all by myself. Now the problem was the area was somewhere I wasn't familiar with. I was only equipt with a map OF the place, and turns out the taxi driver was illiterate (the weirdness doesn't end there). So I called the casting agent that guided the driver. I walked in to the studio ushered by the casting lady and Lord did my jaw drop. The place was filled with MODELS!! Silky haired-smooth-clean-tall-slim-long legged-don't hate me cuz i'm beautiful- THAI MODELS!!! And not just one or two, MANY!!! I stood there with their eyes looking at me and I literally felt my self esteem drop into the size of a watermelon seed arriving inside my throat and with that I swallowed. Hard. WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING THERE!!! Suddenly the casting lady shoved me an applicant form.

"From what agency?"
"Huh?! agency? No, no...Hmm.. Mr. Toto from the Indonesian Embassy? He told me to come here for the casting. I'm Indonesian."
"ooooh ok. Sure fill in please."

They gave me a script to memorize, in Indonesian. It was bad. The wardrobe lady kindly asked me over to her side to measure me. I got even more nervous. She told me to sit down, amongst those living mannequins. I smiled to everyone, they smiled back. I didn't care to start a conversation with anyone. I just sat there frozen. I was so scared. I was extremely nervous. The only person who I could reach was Anisha who laughed uncontrollably. But she told to go for it. Then the makeup person called me to do my face (I was excepting for him to look at me sideways, raising his eyebrows). His make up was beautiful. How minimalistic it was compared to Indonesian make up artists, esp bridal. Then the hair stylist did my hair. I looked in the mirror and I looked pretty good. Whoever said "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" must be good at persuasion. And gay. No straight man out there I tell you..

I waited, til I was the only one left. I was dressed as a corporate lady and wore high heels. I was actually starting to feel confident. The clothes shaped me. Man, I really do have curves. Seriously, I wouldn't trade myself for a stick figure any day. Ok, maybe I could use being just a little taller. And.. the superficiality was getting to my head. Waiting there fidgeting, the memories of my awkward adolescence was starting to crawl back like Sadako from a tv screen. Slowly reaching the fragile pinnacles of whatever s left of my self-esteem. Oh god.. don't open that door..

I memorized my lines too. All my ridiculous acting experience in SAE didn't help at this point. The last model walked out. Geez, she looked like those type of women men would propose on one knee in an aquarium at Sea World, just because. She told me I can enter and wished me good luck. Charming lady, I thought. Inside I watched this Thai guy acting his last bit. He was very nervous. When it came my turn I had to carry a board with my height, weight, name written on it and say it aloud to the camera. I made mistakes. They took side pics and front. I felt like a criminal suspect. Then they told me to sit on a leather chair - the acting part begins. I had to recite the given material taped below the camera which wasn't Indonesian, but English. They told me to act it out while translating. Naturally, many more mistakes.

"MORE POWER! MORE POWER!" The casting lady yelled.
For the love of God.. I'm no actor honey..What I had to do was sit on a leather chair sideways, and at the call of ACTION I was to move my head to the camera and I was meant to start acting the lines in a dangerously powerful manner to the camera. The likes of an Italian Mafia boss, or those antagonists in movies that sit on a leather chair holding an angora, only I didn't have a cat and I was promoting insurance. I really tried to do my best! When we were finished, the director told me I lacked emotion from my eyes...hmmm I wondered how that is? Because the last bit I was told to talk as I normally as I could. I sometimes wonder if that's how people see me? Distant?
Lesson learned : acting skills? NONE!
But now I'm really curious about the tape. I finished at 12 am...!! It was a scary ride home taking the taxi. I really really wished someone was with me through all of this craziness.

I'd like you to understand my desires. If I cannot tell you in words then let it reach you. Somehow, I'm sure it already has, even if you didn't want to.

He is asleep in his room. Shadows of my fear stretch across my walls. Let them reach him. Let them reach him in in all its strange form, in all my awkward linings. Regardless how bizarre. Doesn't he know? He should have. How the distance of space limits me. The hope he'll understand. 

Let them tiptoe their way into his dreams. I'm afraid, but I'm more afraid he will never realize when in time he'll find something more meaningful. Those shadows leave voices of unkindness. Their figures stretch along his bed forgetting to carry our time capsule. Please wake up before the memories fade. Why aren't you awake yet?

I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to be in rage. I want to do it all for you. Understand me, kiss me, and hold me. Ever so strong that I would start see colors circle before me. Drug me so I wouldn't see you in my dreams. Then I'll promise myself to live for every tomorrow.

31st of Sept.
We were stricken by another unexpected earthquake this time in my mother's hometown of Padang, West Sumatera. The earthquake's magnitude reached up to a massive 7.6 Scale Richter and had devastatingly killed hundreds, and thousands injured or lost under landslides and houses. This powerful earthquake shook other cities in Sumatera including my sisters residence in Bengkulu.

While my immediate family is safe, I understand how unfortunate these things are and yet there is little you can do to prevent a natural disaster. What makes me so furious back in Jakarta, The parliament used over Rp 46 trillion for the process of mass recruiting Indonesian celebrities as legislatives. What the hell for??

Why do we keep acting so stupid? What are these people after (besides obviously money)? they clearly have the money, why do they need more??? What do they know about people's needs?? They think, by publicly announcing that their first income will be donated to this disaster shows how noble it is to join the parliament? Why would you tell anyone if you donated??

I've lost complete respect for any of these fucked up soap actors and the parliament. From the unreasonable film bill, health bill etc suggesting oppressed governance. When I came back from Bangkok, I kept comparing this city's deficiencies with a city like Bangkok. I kept thinking how far we are behind, and how difficult it is to be independent. But I kept reminding myself of my goals, and one of them is to find a way to contribute in improving the country, because I want to be able to live here, and I'm sure other people desperately want to. It makes me optimistic thinking about what I can do. Yet these questions cross my mind as I still recall a foreign journalist friend of ours asking, "Did you vote? Every time you come back do see a change? What has changed in Jakarta?"
What has changed in Jakarta?
Am I naively keeping faith over nothing? What has changed?
What the hell did I vote for?

waves of humiliation

don' t think I wanna know
all you're unspoken reasons
you know i'll never win
with my awkward lines
and dim witted moves
you know i completely melt
for that kindness that
doesn't skip a beat for me
you know i'm not going to open that door
you should've called me
you should've taken me out
where we'd talk forever
in the lamest place in the city
where we're going to make fun of everyone
for not being us

2 in 1 haha

Nara de Cocoa

My sister's Anisha's daughter Nara who is the exact replica of her.
How I wov this choco latte!! Nyam.

(peeep)
(suara operator yang rese)

MAAF,
SISA HIDUP ANDA
SELAMA DI BANGKOK
TELAH BERAKHIR......
SILAHKAN TEKAN NOMOR SATU UNTUK MENGULANG WAKTU

*****

NOMOR YANG ANDA TEKAN BERADA DILUAR JANKAUAN REALITA

before I start feeling sorry for myself
remind yourself of her
how long as she been alone
whether she's ever been in love
if she's ever received genuine love from man
whether she struggles to be strong
does she ever cry at night
if she ever desires a family
that she deserves.
before you fall in despair,
remind yourself your pain cannot equal-
first ask yourself why
you haven't even tried
to get to know her better

i guess, the new dawn has arrived

fancy a Sunat laser service??

Huhahaha

I saw a commercial posted on a lamp post in Jkt. I'm surprised at how advanced religious 'event's are nowadays. I'm guessing the service takes on something along star wars laser beam swords and a balloon party :))

Maybe I don't have depth or I'm out of touch with the norm.

I never understood why people change partners out of boredom or why poets need to hide behind layers of metaphors and rhymes to express something so simple

so, you admit it

" So Nurul, are you married?"
"Of course not." I answered offensively.
I looked straight into his eyes in hopes to find out how old he took me for from his vantage point of view. Should I start using wrinkle cream? I was only 21! how can anyone think I'm married? Before I said anything he cut in -
"Boyfriend?"
"No." I said smiling while squinting my eyes. Ah, I see where this is leading.
Then he smiled, and squinted his eyes and said,
"I wouldn't blame ya."

The forest

A young girl who finds peace by retreating into her own world - the forest. Questions about idealism we all have to live by from society are objected by one simple solution.

It takes two

After watching Scent of a Woman, I was instantly blowned away by Al Pacino 's riveting performance. But I was also deeply moved at one particular scene in which his character, took the arm of a beautiful lady he only just met at a restaurant to tango with him. The character he portrayed was an old, lonely, blind, obnoxious, former colonel, who loathed everything in life except the presence of women.

I was inspired by the way he danced and treated her, which made me wanted to learn to dance! hehe. So I found this on youtube. I remember learning Salsa, with my sister and friend, but it wasn't the same to have a woman as a partner. Because you need to be led, and its very different to be with a man who knows how to lead. The pull and dynamics of your movement depends greatly on a comfortable dance partner.

So found this and loved this video. It shows so much passion and elegance. To me the man is obviously leading her every move, she is very sensual and feminine, seeming like she is under his every spell. But at the same time she appears as the star, not the man.

:)

Everybody says, " I look like my mother"
Everybody says, " I look like my father"
everybody says that, "my nose is like my fathers"
Everybody says that, "My lips is like my mothers"
Everybody says that, " i look like an image of somebody"

But, If you really want to know,

I want to look like me
I want to look like me

(a scene of tibetan muslim children learning english)
Prayers Answered
Documentary : Tibetan Photo Project

I really don't like the song, but the video is great! Gives you lots of ideas. Better to watch it on low volume

the gardener

Look at the sky
a canvas for someone I knew
Look at my memory tree
and the roots of chain,
there sleeps a box
that the earth swore
to never be opened again

I've planted other trees
under the sun and many moons
I sung to them to one day grow
rich with fruitful memories

Days I spent there waiting
for the moment it would blossom
But they never live long for me to see
even just a branch, a leaf or just a stem

Look at my soiled hands
they won't tell me what I'm missing
Because everything else in my garden
they dance beautifully with hope

maybe it's written

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live
I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

oasis

FORTUNATE

Lately these couple of months I've been blessed to have the opportunity for so many things and met so many people!

- went to this dudes film party where my teacher Sugi had worked on. It was hands down the weirdest thing I've ever seen (the film, the party, the LA barbie and ken actors) I did meet some questionable people, but also a COUPLE that are in the industry and was fine enough to chit chat. One was a british film maker guy whom I was introduced to and planned to go to Jakarta, and asked to see my short lol.

- getting to translate on a documentary piece and meet two amazing film makers! They travel the world and work on these documentaries for great causes. My role is minor but how great is it to be a part of this!

- Had to take care of visa again..but frankly my sis and I were still traumatized by our Laos trip, even if it a rather enjoyable in an almost illegitimate way. So we decided to go to Singapore!

I have never been there myself. From before I left and while we were there, an old college friend of mine named Andrew was beyond unbelievably kind to help on anything! looking for hostels, cheap stays, picking us at the airport and accompanying our walks! OMG.. i was so overwhelmed. We met our other friend and her boyfriend, we met Andrews friends there, we dined near the river, sightseeing, museums, boat rides, everything in 3 days! - it was incredible. Shame I didn't get the visa. But I thought then I'll go back to Indonesia, but in the meantime enjoy my time here. And that I did!! Incredibly grateful to andrew! On the plane next to me sat a rather gudlookin dude! He was thai and asked whether I were Singaporean or have friends there since he needed a place to live while studying there! LOL how great it is to meet new people at random places. And the food!! if you calculate it's actually not so far from Bangkok price, but the availabilty of indonesia food there was like an oasis for me! Ayam Penyet! DUH! It was so worth dragging my dead leg all over Bugis district for that! There was Nasi Padang in the food court! Bengawan Solo which is a cake shop the sells kue-kue tradisional Indonesia. even the frozen food at their 7/11 was soo much better and had variety than here! BEUAAAH

- Made a couple of new friends. An Indonesian friend of Dinda's came here for holiday. Thought he was alone, but turns out bought his Greek friend named Stefano's who was very nice and fun. On tues we were all invited to Alex's outback ladies night networking event - which was very very fun. Met other interesting people there as well, talked, free food. Although still stressing about my move to Jakarta, and my job hunt. Right now I'm content, what can I ask for? And only here would I have the chance to meet so many people. But I'm so grateful for everything that has happened to me. Whatever happens I should learn to just enjoy the ride...

the follow

whooosh

What a week!!
I've handed in my work,stopped going to school and so I've decided to recollect my life back with friends, and new ones, and man has it been crazy. Lets talk about the good stuff first and talk serious later. LOL

Watched the Sequel to the Transformers today!!!!!!!! AWESOMENESS TO THE MAX TIMES A THOUSAND!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!



Honestly, I'm so glad a friend booked it for us and took us to watch in limited seats for the movie. I've never watched anything in IMAX, and what a perfect movie to watch it as this transformers movie was deliberately shot with 70mm film (for IMAX), and the first time to be done that way to! I was such in awe with HOW BIG the screen was, added the whole effect of the movie etc etc that I didn't stop making these unsubtle reactions from the beginning to the end LOL... kinda embarrasing since before the movie began my friend Trin and I, both IMAX virgins, (that easily sounded like a tampex commercial gone wrong) in astonishment to the size of the screen, we reacted by making this loud "oooooh,,,,uuuuu!!" sounds which were naturally followed by the turning of at least 5 heads in front of us, and long angry stares. Hahahah.

Story wise..we all know that isn't important..hahaha
I knew how the story would end, but its still great that I could still react to every turning point in excitement - I didn't stopped going WHOO!

Another movie I'm dying to watch














Where the Wild things Are by Spike Jonze.
Been following him since he made Adaptation. another late discovery, but oh well) Truly one of the brilliant modern directors and writers out there. To bad him and Sophia Coppola divorced, as they are both my heroes. Otherwise they would've made a hell of masterpiece together say they joined their genius brains together. Or romantically, as a couple, that would be the ideal, to have a partner with the same vision. I think so.

Anyway, I love these type of movies, and I've noticed the type of movies I respond to have a great theme to them, Yes,love - but also ones with great imagination that manages to tickle my inner child. I guess I've always had a peter pan syndrome. There's something reminiscent and bittersweet about being a kid and living in your own made up world.

"An adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's story, where Max, a disobedient little boy sent to bed without his supper, creates his own world--a forest inhabited by ferocious wild creatures that crown Max as their ruler". - imdb ( can't write a synopsis since i haven't watched it! ;p)

presidential election coming our way

I know I'm a total hypocrite for desperately avoiding living in my own country these many years, but let me tell you why I would still vote.

1.) Whatever change that will happen, theres only one movement that is going to favor this change which is moving progressively. Our country has been in the slums and can go far worse that what we are encountering right now. But economically we've upscaled, (although still not enough to even pay off our debt :S), and indonesia compared to other neighbouring asean countries won't be greatly affected by the reccession, and i've noticed that there are more foreigners residing in Jakarta, (though not as much as I would remember in the 90s during Suharto's reign) but this is a positive thing, meaning= investors, and investors believing in our potential.

2.) My father never pushed me to vote, but he is one of the great reasons i am rather nationalistic. Hihi.

3.) Pluralism. My family is very conservative which would mean they would chose an islamic party. I've noticed a great deal of people I've talked to during the legislative election, chose an islamic party. This is the beauty of democracy. I disagree of having the sharia h laws of islam laid down as the sole foundation of our countries laws - despite the fact that I am a muslim- because our country is NOT consisted of Muslims ONLY. There are 5 main religions that are legal in indonesia which means there should be a fair leadership that would consider the benefit and justice of ALL beliefs. Hence, I did not choose an Islamic party.

4.) The right to vote, better yet, the chance to vote.
There were 44 legislatives that could easily have scumbag written on there photos. But compare our chances with what women in saudi arabia, lebanon or our neighbouring country brunei for instance. Women do not get to vote. And yet I have this chance in my hand, as a woman, I don't think I want to throw away that easily. Compared to choosing none at all, I would still pick the lesser of 44 evils.

5.) Democracy again.
As a filmmaker wannabe, MUI's ridiculous anti-pornography bill is plain stupid. This is a typical tactic to control the society, not liberating them. Try NOT producing them at all huh?? Or why don't you try to make a system where you can brainwash the minds of ALL men??

6.) I still have hope. And I want to live in an Indonesia that I CAN LIVE IN..!!

baby, i'll miss

reality calling

crazy clocks in my house
spinning uncontrollably
break them!
throw them!
put them in the fridge!
put them in the ice tray
hope time would also freeze

reflect

I have been sleepwalking for 6 years.
Those years of my life
struggling to be present
i wake up to your name
every place i've stepped foot
the many faces i meet
my vision blurred
i'm not there

i thought i've finally had meaning
but all these memories were never mine
you can't lose what you've never had

i've told myself that i've forgotten
i only wake up to a reminder

what do you have to loose this time?

it's the final countdown

I keep reminding myself that I can't keep living like a total lost vagabond in search of something.

But, I can't believe it. I am leaving Bangkok? Really?

I feel like the words are just slipping out of my mouth. But lately its been slowly sinking in and slowly drowning me in sentimentality. I'm feel like I'm heart broken..?
All my life, any place I've been fortunate to live in, cannot compare. Why?
I have so many memories here, one of the bests- the place that gave me the chance to actually 'live'. Compared to anywhere else. How can you love a place that isn't even yours without being ridden with guilt? And wonder, what the hell are you doing, escaping and living a comfortable, though a rather lonely life, when your father has worked sick all his life for the better sake of YOU and your country??? Shouldn't you be contributing something? Instead putting all your potential in selfish pursuits?

I used to be in this position when i was going to leave Beijing for good. But i didn't love it as much, a greater part of me was looking forward for something new. I always knew i would come back. And I wasn't as sad as I am now.

A friend was leaving to Jakarta for a better job offer, and we went to the airport to drop her off. As we did she told us not to bid farewell or talk to her about comparing life here or anything cuz its going to be hard on her. She used to live in Sydney for almost 5 years, and kept repeating, the short time she's lived there, or anywhere is nothing in comparison to Bangkok. Can you imagine the magic of this place? Its insane.

I ridicule myself with optimism everyday, believing I need to be firm with my dreams.
I need to attain them. I need to learn. And I need to be with my family now then ever.
I do believe I've given my best shot. Have I?
Should I?

I hope I'll make the right choice.. help me God..

Synopsis hehe

Charlie was a timid young writer,
who was also a bit of a daydreamer.
He would daydream at any moment,
never learning to live in the current.

The day came when he felt beaten,
writing a suspense with no clever weapon,
He realized that he couldn't end,
a story where reality transcends

Frustrated to find his head blocked,
He decides to escape to his dream
where his giant block was successfully clocked
he awoke to his finished work with a gleam

Once he felt sure,
he left to see an editor
who questioned his work and threw it like dirt
and mocked him endlessly till Charlie was hurt

"How do you propose that this is possible?Murdering with a pen is ludicrously impossible!"

Charlie couldn't take this tiny critique
he followed the editor who was taking a leak
He took out his drawing pen and opened the head
and stabbed the editor until he was dead.

Charlie found himself in the editors office sitting
realizing that he had been day dreaming
he waited and wondered the editors where abouts
when suddenly a staff came rushing out

the staff told the receptionist that what he found,
the editor not breathing on the bathroom ground
Charlie in shock, stands there withdrawn,
he goes through his pocket to find his pen gone.

potato head

“I chose the potato to portray human faces because of the many striking parallels. Not only is their skin porous like ours, but their skin texture and color is very similar, and like us, they come in different sizes, shapes and forms. Potatoes grow, live, and then decay, mirroring the ephemeral existence and fragility of our own human nature.”

Ginou Choueiri

READ

Challenge your world.com is a place where you can contribute absolutely any idea you have in your brain to suggest whatever bit of a difference you want to create. This website  allows us to utilize the heighten sophistication of webcommunication nowadays, and remind us that you don't have to have an elaborate plan to start something new. You can sign up and write down anything, and just wait till people from around the world give you feedback and suggestions.

This is a great way to document your ideas, and discuss them with professionals that would cultivate your ideas, you can go back to them whenever or ask for feedback when no one is around to talk. LOL. 

my user name Raisha Ibrahim.

Maxwell - Lifetime
Uploaded by klmbaby - See the latest featured music videos.

how we connect today

my facebook network.

from another blogger

BE MORE OPTIMISTIC, INDONESIANS!!

Most of indonesians are now very pessimistic about their future, some regret why they supported the reform movement 10 years ago (Reformasi). You know what? SO WERE THE RUSSIANS !!! They were frustrated when communism fell, and experienced the worst economic condition in their history. 
Now look at them !


Prof. Jeffrey Sachs, presidential adviser for 39 developing countries in Asia, South America and the leftovers of USSR, said this very encouraging views..

"“It is not fair to compare Indonesia with it’s neighboring countries such as Singapore and Malaysia, or any other country in the world in that case. Indonesia has changed from a totally centralized country to a decentralized country virtually overnight. Indonesia has changed from a Dictatorship to a Democracy virtually overnight. Indonesia has changed to a liberal country virtually overnight. No other country has been through what Indonesia has been through virtually overnight. The closest example is the USSR. When the USSR split up, it experienced similar changes to what Indonesia had, virtually overnight. In that condition, Russia’s economy had a NEGATIVE growth that year. In that same condition, Indonesia’s Economy GREW. It had POSITIVE growth. If I were an Indonesian, I would be proud of that achievement. And I would predict a much brighter future".

This person is a true nationalist. Its refreshing to read about his incredibly optimistic take on my country's future when everyone else ( I included) contradict, and endlessly bash the system especially at this time of global recession . His blog contains well informed perspectives upon various developments in Indonesia. Awesome! I should broaden my horizon a bit.. This page is  such a good place to learn, and get ideas and mentally prepare myself, especially when I finally leave for good..!

READ HERE!

and the cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon

You know, sometimes I feel this close.

This close to completely letting go about my past, and the scrutiny of what people expect me to be, and what I expect myself to be. This close to finally being comfortable in my skin. This close to living simply, starting a new life and new career. This close to allowing myself to fall in love again. This close to sharing- without any inhibitions.

But I'm always torn between what I love and what I'd love to give.

Don't you know it is my number one biggest aspiration to make you proud? I want to be that person, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. I am beyond afraid of revealing who I truly am even though I feel you are starting to understand who I really am, and who I'm becoming- which is you. Hurting you is inevitable. I too, want to be home. I want to embrace every privileges in life including spending time with you and everyone, and just sit and be- as two individuals - nothing more. But I wish you can see that I feel so terrified of failing you more then anyone in my life. Sometimes I wish I wasn't what I am Dad.

Vincent - Tim Burton

One of Tim Burton's first film

love is hell by matt groening

me hammered

Wuaks... Finally. After so many coffee's and sleepless days and betrayals, and disappointments, and petty irrelevant arguments.. and carrying shit loads of intensely heavy equipments up and down my third floor apartment, and..ever growing anxiety pimples (ew haha) my production for my final is finito.

HAMMERTIME!!!!!! (oooh oooooh)
















Now.. all i need to do is get my hand moving to do editing. And work on my freelance job.. And my packing. . and my visa, and my real job hunt..and do the animation.. and inquire the score.. and do the some adr.. and color correction..and treat everyone out..and mentally prepare myself for the outside world and and.. i'll start tmrw.
I promise. Haha...

ode to my will power

don't run,
don't run from me
not now.

Now that I've slowly started to resurface.

Come back to my roots.

Come back closer to home.

Now that I have you at the tip of my fingers

Now that I can feel your warmth.

Now that I am holding strong to that desire

Now that I finally have the courage

to sink

further deeper

deeper

into an oblivion

of orange

and red

Now that I'm ready

stay with me.

make me feel

don't run from me.

some packaging and advertising i like

I am always amazed at the extremity Thailands advertising would go to. Its amazing how much they invest and take risks for good ideas. This is a launch of a colgate product I found in siam. It is small room with igloo's that during entrance you would actually feel the coolness and the smell of fresh mint in the air! hhhmmm. i was almost tempted haha.

reasons to men bash

1. no effort
2. no effort
3. no effort

4. personally for me, approaching someone i barely know is important at the same time out of my character, so! if it has gone this far from a normal friendship, and i have already opened the door for you and you still don't have the guts to get to know me inside out then what are you doing here? The least you can do is THINK = You have no stance with me, COWARD!

5. coward-ness. you serious? you call yourself.. a man?

6. indecisiveness - if you do, then prove it. Make up your mind. Because there is no one, dumb enough, esp I, that will want stay waiting forever.

7. Sok tau. Arrogance. Men that demean women.
Talking big about themselves and their achievements, like their tools, whatever it is, their know how as if it forms their entire identity, or as if they are trying to compensate for what they do not really have, and actually cannot provide. In reality, what do you really have? would you be single otherwise!

8. alpha male - whut u tryin to prove that ur a jagoaaaan ye? esp the james bond on steroids type.

9. liaaaaaaaaars. all the way. every way.

10. pemales.

11. inability to commit. In anything. (work, religion, family values...c'mon man ur big enough too learn how to stop running away.)

12. inability to commit.

13. Childish, immature a.k.a men that don't act their age. Or is too vain too realize it.

14. STUPIDITY.

i'm like a bird

Hari ini diadakan bazar diplomatik - internasional yang tiap tahun di selenggarakan oleh palang merah , : diplomatic red cross bazaar. Bazaar yang dipenuhi oleh tiap negara untuk mempromosikan budaya masing2, menjual produk2 khas negara masing2 yang hasilnya kemudian di sumbangkan kepada Palang Merah Thailand.

Adek gue dan temen2 diminta memakai kebaya dan menerima Putri Thailand, yang membuka acara ini, dan membantu menjaga stand indonesia seharian penuh. Secara gue baru tahu ada acara ini sampe kemaren, gue ga ikut menjaga stand, yang katanya mesti siap dari jam 4 pagi. Lagian gue juga ahem sibuk,(pdhl sih ga ada minta jadi partisipan..haha). Dulu tiap tahunnya ibu2 dharma wanita termasuk my mom yang biasa nya sibuk mengkoordinasi stand yang diisi dengan baju2 batik, kain, makanan khas indonesia, di jual seharian penuh. Gue hampir lupa dengan acara ini dan sebenarnya gue juga heran kenapa kita di minta, lah wong kita udah bukan bagian kbri lagi hehe.

Gue dateng lumayan telat, haha, sekitar jam 4 sore dimana hampir semua stand udah mau tutup. Gue pikir udah ga ada gunanya juga bayar masuk, eh ternyata just in time gue hadir ada acara nari di panggung yg ternyata di buat oleh anak2 smp-sma SIB. Mereka menarikan tarian Saman dari Aceh yang penuh koordinasi tangan yang rumit. Seperti biasa, kita sukses menggaet ricuh penonton termasuk gue yg , selalu siap tepuk tangan dan teriak2 dgn noraknya (heh, super kampungan..) tiap kali nonton tarian tersebut. Hehe.. well i can't help it. Bangga bgt gue, Good job guys!

Kemudian gue ke stand Indonesia. Gue kaget ada demonstrasi membatik kain oleh pembatik professional. Spontan gue ngerenggek minta nyoba hehe, secara dari dulu gue pengen banget belajar. Karena pemula, gue di kasih kayu berbentuk burung dan di ajarkan prosesnya. Bahan serupa tinta yang di gunakan untuk membuat pattern batik itu ternyata lilin yang di lelehkan. ("Ooohh..") Kemudian kayu yang mirip pipa rokok untuk membatik itu di celupkan ke dalem lilin cair yang masih di rebus tersebut. Cairan lilinnya masuk dari atas lobang kayu itu. Ini yang membuat membatik itu sebuah kreativitas yang membutuhkan kesabaran dan ketelatenan yg tinggi. Hehe. Karena selain harus sempurna menggikuti garis lukisan ternyata ada cara khusus untuk memegang kayu itu biar cairan lilinnya ga tumpah dari lobang tadi, karena selain panas banget bakal bleberan kemana2. Gitu lhoooooo. Hebatnya cairan lilin tsbt akan langsung kering di atas kayu/ kain dlm sekejap. Selesei, burung gue (huuss) di celupkan ke dalam lilin berwarna merah untuk diwarnai. Berapa menit kemudian warna tinta coklat yang gue lukis tadi hilang tapi membentuk garisan lukisannya. Seperti ini:

Hehe. Okay its not much, tapi kereeen kaaan. Dan the lady yang nyuruh gue nulis nama gue. Ga mungkin kan gue se narsis itu. :))

Gue jalan2 keliling stand2 lain. Amerika, Jerman, Italy. Gue peratiin yang mereka jual, wine, keju, sosis frankfurt hehe. Dan huuuu mana ada sih yang kayak gini. Yang mereka jual bukan komoditas. Bukan budaya. Gue cintaaaa banget sama budaya tradisional gue yang lengkap dan pure. Lantas, kenapa gue bimbang untuk pulang??

Bukan kondisi jakarta yang gue pedulikan. Bukan macetnya yang sebenarnya memang bikin gue teriak2 gila di mobil. Gue pernah sekolah disana dan udah gue terimalah. Yang jadi pikiran dari karir gue, lifestyle orang2 jakarta yang sombongnya setinggi langit en kosmopolitan yang secara otomatis bikin hedonistik. Sorry, Not everyone is. Tapi penggalaman kuliah gue disana bikin gue berpikir picik. Bikin gue merasa tidak diterima. Seolah2 gue persona non grata di negeri sendiri. Malah gue lebih seneng berkunjung ke daerah di luar jakarta. Kyk jogja, bandung, kmrn2..bengkulu. No malls, no mall rat, no annoying mas2 tengil, no bitchy anak jakarta yang kerjanya gaya and gosip doang. Jujur, selama gue hidup dan selama gue Alhamdullilah dikasih kesempatan tinggal dinegeri2 orang, baru kali inilah di Bangkok ini gue bener2 belajar. Bukan dari sisi akedemis, melainkan dari beragamnya orang2 yang gue temui di kota ini. Disinilah gue mendapati perpekstif lain tentang Indonesia, tentang hidup, tentang agama, tentang karir, beragamnya pola pikir orang. Baik dibidang gue yang kreatif, orang2 Indonesia yang mengejar cita2 dgn menunjang pendidikannya, perspektif orang2 asing, orang2 lokal..orang2 yg dari kalangan atas, tengah.. yg hidup disini cmn untuk berfoya2.. sampai dengan orang2 dengan pengalaman hidup yang benar2 luar biasa, yang selama ini gue percayai cuman eksis di film2 atau novel. Dan hal yang paling gue pelajari di tempat ini, bahwa sgt memungkinkan di dunia ini adanya orang2 yang akan menerima gue, yg jujur tanpa pamrih, justru gue dapati disini.

Ah kok gue jadi takut. Padahal orang tua gue kerja untuk pemerintah dan ga pernah menyuruh kita membenci negara sendiri. Gue dan kakak2 adek gue di suruh nari, nanyilah etc di tiap acara kbri untuk appreciate nilai seni yg kita punya. Kita di sekolahkan di sekolah lokal untuk belajar bahasa indonesia. Kita di suruh belajar di luar untuk alasan menggunakan ilmu itu dan merubah situasi negara gue semampu kita. Bukannya biar melarikan diri di negeri orang kayak buronan. Hehe.. Pdhl appresiasi untuk film indonesia gue lumayan tinggi.. terkecuali film blo'on yang ga bermakna and/or penuh porno yang bikin stress nontonnya. Tapi kenapa gue takut pindah ke negara sendiri. Aye bimbang... waktu gue ga banyak. Identitas gue, rumah gue dimana ye..