I once read a quote from Donald Trump, “A man who loves his job never labors”.
I wonder why I keep having the desire to dream and try a certain career, but that desire quickly disappears as fast as it comes. I have a particular idea of the woman I aspire to be. But till this point I’m dubious about my true identity and my capability, or whether I would enjoy doing something and find it worthwhile for once. And I know without that missing part, I could never change myself to be that woman.
I am incredibly envious of people that know who they are, what they want to be in this life from an early age and struggle to be that. I think the power of will, and the lengths a person would go to reach one’s dream, is such an incredible gift God embedded in us.
But how do you find that? How do you know, for sure what your destiny is and what you’re meant to be on this earth? I know I’m not the first person to feel lost and desperate for an answer. Looking around me- I see lots of people, attempting to find that particular answer, maybe avoiding it, or desperately trying to fill in a void - in all the wrong places. It calms me a little sometimes to find that there are other people on the same boat. But their lives aren’t mine. And I don't want to be anything like them. I can’t help but feel estranged and abandoned every now again.
I feel like I'm drifted in an ocean. Dark. I'm floating. I'm still.
How and why can I still be floating?
Maybe it’s my destiny to keep searching this way. To keep trying all sorts of things until I find what I’m truly meant to be. Could that be my life? Is life really about searching your purpose? I often think that destiny isn’t as far stretched as it is anything but one’s will. But I feel like I don’t have the courage to truly let go and live a life of constant uncertainty and have no control over my life, or absolutely nothing to sustain me in the future. In the meantime, time doesn't wait.
