Q: How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
A: This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.
Oh. Great.
read here.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Years and years I've asked him the same question.
Part of me felt this longing to hold him, love him take away his pain and at the same time, questions filled my head. I didn't believe someone could love me, and could he love me? There was resistance. There was conflict. Turmoil. I questioned everything. Everything inside of me was restless.
Obviously both of us were very unprepared. I was a lost person. Ever the little lonely girl that was yearning for some form of stability in her life, and screaming for someone to accept her that way. I felt tired. Tired of always feeling alone in the world. So I searched for him, and I escaped. And I felt happy. Then one night as I lay in bed starring in the darkness of my room, summing up the truth did reality struck me like a jolt of lighting. My heart pumped fast. I got scared of my happiness. I was scared of losing it. And what will I become had I continued? Did I even deserve it ? who am I now to deserve any of this? I don't know my identity. I can't. Then that crazy voice whispered the truth. With it followed an intense ache hitting me from my center to the stomach.
Damn my rational subconscious, I sometimes wish you never existed.
I had to make the decision. At the same time I did not want to throw away what I have fought so hard for. Until I received the only message I would forever resent. I had to gather all my courage. I sat. I thought long. I frantically cried as I tried to write down everything I was about to say. My last sentences once and for all. As if either one was about to leave this earth for the last time. I cried about what I had, and what I'll never have.
All this time. All these years. These hours. My hours. My waiting.
My wasted years.
Could I have been right all along?
I was ready to be brave.
He wasn't. Not for me.
Part of me felt this longing to hold him, love him take away his pain and at the same time, questions filled my head. I didn't believe someone could love me, and could he love me? There was resistance. There was conflict. Turmoil. I questioned everything. Everything inside of me was restless.
Obviously both of us were very unprepared. I was a lost person. Ever the little lonely girl that was yearning for some form of stability in her life, and screaming for someone to accept her that way. I felt tired. Tired of always feeling alone in the world. So I searched for him, and I escaped. And I felt happy. Then one night as I lay in bed starring in the darkness of my room, summing up the truth did reality struck me like a jolt of lighting. My heart pumped fast. I got scared of my happiness. I was scared of losing it. And what will I become had I continued? Did I even deserve it ? who am I now to deserve any of this? I don't know my identity. I can't. Then that crazy voice whispered the truth. With it followed an intense ache hitting me from my center to the stomach.
Damn my rational subconscious, I sometimes wish you never existed.
I had to make the decision. At the same time I did not want to throw away what I have fought so hard for. Until I received the only message I would forever resent. I had to gather all my courage. I sat. I thought long. I frantically cried as I tried to write down everything I was about to say. My last sentences once and for all. As if either one was about to leave this earth for the last time. I cried about what I had, and what I'll never have.
All this time. All these years. These hours. My hours. My waiting.
My wasted years.
Could I have been right all along?
I was ready to be brave.
He wasn't. Not for me.
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