presidential election coming our way

I know I'm a total hypocrite for desperately avoiding living in my own country these many years, but let me tell you why I would still vote.

1.) Whatever change that will happen, theres only one movement that is going to favor this change which is moving progressively. Our country has been in the slums and can go far worse that what we are encountering right now. But economically we've upscaled, (although still not enough to even pay off our debt :S), and indonesia compared to other neighbouring asean countries won't be greatly affected by the reccession, and i've noticed that there are more foreigners residing in Jakarta, (though not as much as I would remember in the 90s during Suharto's reign) but this is a positive thing, meaning= investors, and investors believing in our potential.

2.) My father never pushed me to vote, but he is one of the great reasons i am rather nationalistic. Hihi.

3.) Pluralism. My family is very conservative which would mean they would chose an islamic party. I've noticed a great deal of people I've talked to during the legislative election, chose an islamic party. This is the beauty of democracy. I disagree of having the sharia h laws of islam laid down as the sole foundation of our countries laws - despite the fact that I am a muslim- because our country is NOT consisted of Muslims ONLY. There are 5 main religions that are legal in indonesia which means there should be a fair leadership that would consider the benefit and justice of ALL beliefs. Hence, I did not choose an Islamic party.

4.) The right to vote, better yet, the chance to vote.
There were 44 legislatives that could easily have scumbag written on there photos. But compare our chances with what women in saudi arabia, lebanon or our neighbouring country brunei for instance. Women do not get to vote. And yet I have this chance in my hand, as a woman, I don't think I want to throw away that easily. Compared to choosing none at all, I would still pick the lesser of 44 evils.

5.) Democracy again.
As a filmmaker wannabe, MUI's ridiculous anti-pornography bill is plain stupid. This is a typical tactic to control the society, not liberating them. Try NOT producing them at all huh?? Or why don't you try to make a system where you can brainwash the minds of ALL men??

6.) I still have hope. And I want to live in an Indonesia that I CAN LIVE IN..!!

baby, i'll miss

reality calling

crazy clocks in my house
spinning uncontrollably
break them!
throw them!
put them in the fridge!
put them in the ice tray
hope time would also freeze

reflect

I have been sleepwalking for 6 years.
Those years of my life
struggling to be present
i wake up to your name
every place i've stepped foot
the many faces i meet
my vision blurred
i'm not there

i thought i've finally had meaning
but all these memories were never mine
you can't lose what you've never had

i've told myself that i've forgotten
i only wake up to a reminder

what do you have to loose this time?

it's the final countdown

I keep reminding myself that I can't keep living like a total lost vagabond in search of something.

But, I can't believe it. I am leaving Bangkok? Really?

I feel like the words are just slipping out of my mouth. But lately its been slowly sinking in and slowly drowning me in sentimentality. I'm feel like I'm heart broken..?
All my life, any place I've been fortunate to live in, cannot compare. Why?
I have so many memories here, one of the bests- the place that gave me the chance to actually 'live'. Compared to anywhere else. How can you love a place that isn't even yours without being ridden with guilt? And wonder, what the hell are you doing, escaping and living a comfortable, though a rather lonely life, when your father has worked sick all his life for the better sake of YOU and your country??? Shouldn't you be contributing something? Instead putting all your potential in selfish pursuits?

I used to be in this position when i was going to leave Beijing for good. But i didn't love it as much, a greater part of me was looking forward for something new. I always knew i would come back. And I wasn't as sad as I am now.

A friend was leaving to Jakarta for a better job offer, and we went to the airport to drop her off. As we did she told us not to bid farewell or talk to her about comparing life here or anything cuz its going to be hard on her. She used to live in Sydney for almost 5 years, and kept repeating, the short time she's lived there, or anywhere is nothing in comparison to Bangkok. Can you imagine the magic of this place? Its insane.

I ridicule myself with optimism everyday, believing I need to be firm with my dreams.
I need to attain them. I need to learn. And I need to be with my family now then ever.
I do believe I've given my best shot. Have I?
Should I?

I hope I'll make the right choice.. help me God..

Synopsis hehe

Charlie was a timid young writer,
who was also a bit of a daydreamer.
He would daydream at any moment,
never learning to live in the current.

The day came when he felt beaten,
writing a suspense with no clever weapon,
He realized that he couldn't end,
a story where reality transcends

Frustrated to find his head blocked,
He decides to escape to his dream
where his giant block was successfully clocked
he awoke to his finished work with a gleam

Once he felt sure,
he left to see an editor
who questioned his work and threw it like dirt
and mocked him endlessly till Charlie was hurt

"How do you propose that this is possible?Murdering with a pen is ludicrously impossible!"

Charlie couldn't take this tiny critique
he followed the editor who was taking a leak
He took out his drawing pen and opened the head
and stabbed the editor until he was dead.

Charlie found himself in the editors office sitting
realizing that he had been day dreaming
he waited and wondered the editors where abouts
when suddenly a staff came rushing out

the staff told the receptionist that what he found,
the editor not breathing on the bathroom ground
Charlie in shock, stands there withdrawn,
he goes through his pocket to find his pen gone.

potato head

“I chose the potato to portray human faces because of the many striking parallels. Not only is their skin porous like ours, but their skin texture and color is very similar, and like us, they come in different sizes, shapes and forms. Potatoes grow, live, and then decay, mirroring the ephemeral existence and fragility of our own human nature.”

Ginou Choueiri

READ

Challenge your world.com is a place where you can contribute absolutely any idea you have in your brain to suggest whatever bit of a difference you want to create. This website  allows us to utilize the heighten sophistication of webcommunication nowadays, and remind us that you don't have to have an elaborate plan to start something new. You can sign up and write down anything, and just wait till people from around the world give you feedback and suggestions.

This is a great way to document your ideas, and discuss them with professionals that would cultivate your ideas, you can go back to them whenever or ask for feedback when no one is around to talk. LOL. 

my user name Raisha Ibrahim.

Maxwell - Lifetime
Uploaded by klmbaby - See the latest featured music videos.

how we connect today

my facebook network.

from another blogger

BE MORE OPTIMISTIC, INDONESIANS!!

Most of indonesians are now very pessimistic about their future, some regret why they supported the reform movement 10 years ago (Reformasi). You know what? SO WERE THE RUSSIANS !!! They were frustrated when communism fell, and experienced the worst economic condition in their history. 
Now look at them !


Prof. Jeffrey Sachs, presidential adviser for 39 developing countries in Asia, South America and the leftovers of USSR, said this very encouraging views..

"“It is not fair to compare Indonesia with it’s neighboring countries such as Singapore and Malaysia, or any other country in the world in that case. Indonesia has changed from a totally centralized country to a decentralized country virtually overnight. Indonesia has changed from a Dictatorship to a Democracy virtually overnight. Indonesia has changed to a liberal country virtually overnight. No other country has been through what Indonesia has been through virtually overnight. The closest example is the USSR. When the USSR split up, it experienced similar changes to what Indonesia had, virtually overnight. In that condition, Russia’s economy had a NEGATIVE growth that year. In that same condition, Indonesia’s Economy GREW. It had POSITIVE growth. If I were an Indonesian, I would be proud of that achievement. And I would predict a much brighter future".

This person is a true nationalist. Its refreshing to read about his incredibly optimistic take on my country's future when everyone else ( I included) contradict, and endlessly bash the system especially at this time of global recession . His blog contains well informed perspectives upon various developments in Indonesia. Awesome! I should broaden my horizon a bit.. This page is  such a good place to learn, and get ideas and mentally prepare myself, especially when I finally leave for good..!

READ HERE!

and the cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon

You know, sometimes I feel this close.

This close to completely letting go about my past, and the scrutiny of what people expect me to be, and what I expect myself to be. This close to finally being comfortable in my skin. This close to living simply, starting a new life and new career. This close to allowing myself to fall in love again. This close to sharing- without any inhibitions.

But I'm always torn between what I love and what I'd love to give.

Don't you know it is my number one biggest aspiration to make you proud? I want to be that person, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. I am beyond afraid of revealing who I truly am even though I feel you are starting to understand who I really am, and who I'm becoming- which is you. Hurting you is inevitable. I too, want to be home. I want to embrace every privileges in life including spending time with you and everyone, and just sit and be- as two individuals - nothing more. But I wish you can see that I feel so terrified of failing you more then anyone in my life. Sometimes I wish I wasn't what I am Dad.

Vincent - Tim Burton

One of Tim Burton's first film

love is hell by matt groening

me hammered

Wuaks... Finally. After so many coffee's and sleepless days and betrayals, and disappointments, and petty irrelevant arguments.. and carrying shit loads of intensely heavy equipments up and down my third floor apartment, and..ever growing anxiety pimples (ew haha) my production for my final is finito.

HAMMERTIME!!!!!! (oooh oooooh)
















Now.. all i need to do is get my hand moving to do editing. And work on my freelance job.. And my packing. . and my visa, and my real job hunt..and do the animation.. and inquire the score.. and do the some adr.. and color correction..and treat everyone out..and mentally prepare myself for the outside world and and.. i'll start tmrw.
I promise. Haha...

ode to my will power

don't run,
don't run from me
not now.

Now that I've slowly started to resurface.

Come back to my roots.

Come back closer to home.

Now that I have you at the tip of my fingers

Now that I can feel your warmth.

Now that I am holding strong to that desire

Now that I finally have the courage

to sink

further deeper

deeper

into an oblivion

of orange

and red

Now that I'm ready

stay with me.

make me feel

don't run from me.

some packaging and advertising i like

I am always amazed at the extremity Thailands advertising would go to. Its amazing how much they invest and take risks for good ideas. This is a launch of a colgate product I found in siam. It is small room with igloo's that during entrance you would actually feel the coolness and the smell of fresh mint in the air! hhhmmm. i was almost tempted haha.

reasons to men bash

1. no effort
2. no effort
3. no effort

4. personally for me, approaching someone i barely know is important at the same time out of my character, so! if it has gone this far from a normal friendship, and i have already opened the door for you and you still don't have the guts to get to know me inside out then what are you doing here? The least you can do is THINK = You have no stance with me, COWARD!

5. coward-ness. you serious? you call yourself.. a man?

6. indecisiveness - if you do, then prove it. Make up your mind. Because there is no one, dumb enough, esp I, that will want stay waiting forever.

7. Sok tau. Arrogance. Men that demean women.
Talking big about themselves and their achievements, like their tools, whatever it is, their know how as if it forms their entire identity, or as if they are trying to compensate for what they do not really have, and actually cannot provide. In reality, what do you really have? would you be single otherwise!

8. alpha male - whut u tryin to prove that ur a jagoaaaan ye? esp the james bond on steroids type.

9. liaaaaaaaaars. all the way. every way.

10. pemales.

11. inability to commit. In anything. (work, religion, family values...c'mon man ur big enough too learn how to stop running away.)

12. inability to commit.

13. Childish, immature a.k.a men that don't act their age. Or is too vain too realize it.

14. STUPIDITY.

i'm like a bird

Hari ini diadakan bazar diplomatik - internasional yang tiap tahun di selenggarakan oleh palang merah , : diplomatic red cross bazaar. Bazaar yang dipenuhi oleh tiap negara untuk mempromosikan budaya masing2, menjual produk2 khas negara masing2 yang hasilnya kemudian di sumbangkan kepada Palang Merah Thailand.

Adek gue dan temen2 diminta memakai kebaya dan menerima Putri Thailand, yang membuka acara ini, dan membantu menjaga stand indonesia seharian penuh. Secara gue baru tahu ada acara ini sampe kemaren, gue ga ikut menjaga stand, yang katanya mesti siap dari jam 4 pagi. Lagian gue juga ahem sibuk,(pdhl sih ga ada minta jadi partisipan..haha). Dulu tiap tahunnya ibu2 dharma wanita termasuk my mom yang biasa nya sibuk mengkoordinasi stand yang diisi dengan baju2 batik, kain, makanan khas indonesia, di jual seharian penuh. Gue hampir lupa dengan acara ini dan sebenarnya gue juga heran kenapa kita di minta, lah wong kita udah bukan bagian kbri lagi hehe.

Gue dateng lumayan telat, haha, sekitar jam 4 sore dimana hampir semua stand udah mau tutup. Gue pikir udah ga ada gunanya juga bayar masuk, eh ternyata just in time gue hadir ada acara nari di panggung yg ternyata di buat oleh anak2 smp-sma SIB. Mereka menarikan tarian Saman dari Aceh yang penuh koordinasi tangan yang rumit. Seperti biasa, kita sukses menggaet ricuh penonton termasuk gue yg , selalu siap tepuk tangan dan teriak2 dgn noraknya (heh, super kampungan..) tiap kali nonton tarian tersebut. Hehe.. well i can't help it. Bangga bgt gue, Good job guys!

Kemudian gue ke stand Indonesia. Gue kaget ada demonstrasi membatik kain oleh pembatik professional. Spontan gue ngerenggek minta nyoba hehe, secara dari dulu gue pengen banget belajar. Karena pemula, gue di kasih kayu berbentuk burung dan di ajarkan prosesnya. Bahan serupa tinta yang di gunakan untuk membuat pattern batik itu ternyata lilin yang di lelehkan. ("Ooohh..") Kemudian kayu yang mirip pipa rokok untuk membatik itu di celupkan ke dalem lilin cair yang masih di rebus tersebut. Cairan lilinnya masuk dari atas lobang kayu itu. Ini yang membuat membatik itu sebuah kreativitas yang membutuhkan kesabaran dan ketelatenan yg tinggi. Hehe. Karena selain harus sempurna menggikuti garis lukisan ternyata ada cara khusus untuk memegang kayu itu biar cairan lilinnya ga tumpah dari lobang tadi, karena selain panas banget bakal bleberan kemana2. Gitu lhoooooo. Hebatnya cairan lilin tsbt akan langsung kering di atas kayu/ kain dlm sekejap. Selesei, burung gue (huuss) di celupkan ke dalam lilin berwarna merah untuk diwarnai. Berapa menit kemudian warna tinta coklat yang gue lukis tadi hilang tapi membentuk garisan lukisannya. Seperti ini:

Hehe. Okay its not much, tapi kereeen kaaan. Dan the lady yang nyuruh gue nulis nama gue. Ga mungkin kan gue se narsis itu. :))

Gue jalan2 keliling stand2 lain. Amerika, Jerman, Italy. Gue peratiin yang mereka jual, wine, keju, sosis frankfurt hehe. Dan huuuu mana ada sih yang kayak gini. Yang mereka jual bukan komoditas. Bukan budaya. Gue cintaaaa banget sama budaya tradisional gue yang lengkap dan pure. Lantas, kenapa gue bimbang untuk pulang??

Bukan kondisi jakarta yang gue pedulikan. Bukan macetnya yang sebenarnya memang bikin gue teriak2 gila di mobil. Gue pernah sekolah disana dan udah gue terimalah. Yang jadi pikiran dari karir gue, lifestyle orang2 jakarta yang sombongnya setinggi langit en kosmopolitan yang secara otomatis bikin hedonistik. Sorry, Not everyone is. Tapi penggalaman kuliah gue disana bikin gue berpikir picik. Bikin gue merasa tidak diterima. Seolah2 gue persona non grata di negeri sendiri. Malah gue lebih seneng berkunjung ke daerah di luar jakarta. Kyk jogja, bandung, kmrn2..bengkulu. No malls, no mall rat, no annoying mas2 tengil, no bitchy anak jakarta yang kerjanya gaya and gosip doang. Jujur, selama gue hidup dan selama gue Alhamdullilah dikasih kesempatan tinggal dinegeri2 orang, baru kali inilah di Bangkok ini gue bener2 belajar. Bukan dari sisi akedemis, melainkan dari beragamnya orang2 yang gue temui di kota ini. Disinilah gue mendapati perpekstif lain tentang Indonesia, tentang hidup, tentang agama, tentang karir, beragamnya pola pikir orang. Baik dibidang gue yang kreatif, orang2 Indonesia yang mengejar cita2 dgn menunjang pendidikannya, perspektif orang2 asing, orang2 lokal..orang2 yg dari kalangan atas, tengah.. yg hidup disini cmn untuk berfoya2.. sampai dengan orang2 dengan pengalaman hidup yang benar2 luar biasa, yang selama ini gue percayai cuman eksis di film2 atau novel. Dan hal yang paling gue pelajari di tempat ini, bahwa sgt memungkinkan di dunia ini adanya orang2 yang akan menerima gue, yg jujur tanpa pamrih, justru gue dapati disini.

Ah kok gue jadi takut. Padahal orang tua gue kerja untuk pemerintah dan ga pernah menyuruh kita membenci negara sendiri. Gue dan kakak2 adek gue di suruh nari, nanyilah etc di tiap acara kbri untuk appreciate nilai seni yg kita punya. Kita di sekolahkan di sekolah lokal untuk belajar bahasa indonesia. Kita di suruh belajar di luar untuk alasan menggunakan ilmu itu dan merubah situasi negara gue semampu kita. Bukannya biar melarikan diri di negeri orang kayak buronan. Hehe.. Pdhl appresiasi untuk film indonesia gue lumayan tinggi.. terkecuali film blo'on yang ga bermakna and/or penuh porno yang bikin stress nontonnya. Tapi kenapa gue takut pindah ke negara sendiri. Aye bimbang... waktu gue ga banyak. Identitas gue, rumah gue dimana ye..