and the cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon

You know, sometimes I feel this close.

This close to completely letting go about my past, and the scrutiny of what people expect me to be, and what I expect myself to be. This close to finally being comfortable in my skin. This close to living simply, starting a new life and new career. This close to allowing myself to fall in love again. This close to sharing- without any inhibitions.

But I'm always torn between what I love and what I'd love to give.

Don't you know it is my number one biggest aspiration to make you proud? I want to be that person, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. I am beyond afraid of revealing who I truly am even though I feel you are starting to understand who I really am, and who I'm becoming- which is you. Hurting you is inevitable. I too, want to be home. I want to embrace every privileges in life including spending time with you and everyone, and just sit and be- as two individuals - nothing more. But I wish you can see that I feel so terrified of failing you more then anyone in my life. Sometimes I wish I wasn't what I am Dad.