I keep reminding myself that I can't keep living like a total lost vagabond in search of something.
But, I can't believe it. I am leaving Bangkok? Really?
I feel like the words are just slipping out of my mouth. But lately its been slowly sinking in and slowly drowning me in sentimentality. I'm feel like I'm heart broken..?
All my life, any place I've been fortunate to live in, cannot compare. Why?
I have so many memories here, one of the bests- the place that gave me the chance to actually 'live'. Compared to anywhere else. How can you love a place that isn't even yours without being ridden with guilt? And wonder, what the hell are you doing, escaping and living a comfortable, though a rather lonely life, when your father has worked sick all his life for the better sake of YOU and your country??? Shouldn't you be contributing something? Instead putting all your potential in selfish pursuits?
I used to be in this position when i was going to leave Beijing for good. But i didn't love it as much, a greater part of me was looking forward for something new. I always knew i would come back. And I wasn't as sad as I am now.
A friend was leaving to Jakarta for a better job offer, and we went to the airport to drop her off. As we did she told us not to bid farewell or talk to her about comparing life here or anything cuz its going to be hard on her. She used to live in Sydney for almost 5 years, and kept repeating, the short time she's lived there, or anywhere is nothing in comparison to Bangkok. Can you imagine the magic of this place? Its insane.
I ridicule myself with optimism everyday, believing I need to be firm with my dreams.
I need to attain them. I need to learn. And I need to be with my family now then ever.
I do believe I've given my best shot. Have I?
Should I?
But, I can't believe it. I am leaving Bangkok? Really?
I feel like the words are just slipping out of my mouth. But lately its been slowly sinking in and slowly drowning me in sentimentality. I'm feel like I'm heart broken..?
All my life, any place I've been fortunate to live in, cannot compare. Why?
I have so many memories here, one of the bests- the place that gave me the chance to actually 'live'. Compared to anywhere else. How can you love a place that isn't even yours without being ridden with guilt? And wonder, what the hell are you doing, escaping and living a comfortable, though a rather lonely life, when your father has worked sick all his life for the better sake of YOU and your country??? Shouldn't you be contributing something? Instead putting all your potential in selfish pursuits?
I used to be in this position when i was going to leave Beijing for good. But i didn't love it as much, a greater part of me was looking forward for something new. I always knew i would come back. And I wasn't as sad as I am now.
A friend was leaving to Jakarta for a better job offer, and we went to the airport to drop her off. As we did she told us not to bid farewell or talk to her about comparing life here or anything cuz its going to be hard on her. She used to live in Sydney for almost 5 years, and kept repeating, the short time she's lived there, or anywhere is nothing in comparison to Bangkok. Can you imagine the magic of this place? Its insane.
I ridicule myself with optimism everyday, believing I need to be firm with my dreams.
I need to attain them. I need to learn. And I need to be with my family now then ever.
I do believe I've given my best shot. Have I?
Should I?
I hope I'll make the right choice.. help me God..
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