Kembali - Anggun

Lepaskan diriku dari semua duga
Dan biarkan aku terbang ikuti malam dan pagi
Jalan masih jauh yang harus aku tempuh
Dan harus aku coba meraih asa, cita dan cinta

unsure.
uneasy.
unclear.

lost my identity along with my dignity that day on.

maybe i was looking for a sense of normalcy in my life.
the feeling of approval i felt, that someone like him can accept an individual as atypical as me, then maybe the whole world can.

his love runs deep

"selamat ulang tahun Noy.
Dad sore ini ke chiang mai hadiri sidang cirdap (center on integrated rural development asia pacific).
Jaga rumah krn baru besok sore pulang."

Was the content of the text message my dad sent me on my 21st birthday. Which was shocking because usually he doesn't remember birthdays. It was beyond overwhelming. Inspite everything wrong i've done in the past especially this frightening year, i've only just understood how he conveys his feelings and that the only unconditional love you can ever look for and need lies in your own home.

i'm sorry dad for being such a terrible daughter.

i'm incredibly grateful.

frankie and johnny

Johnny: Now, there's a man and a woman. He's a cook. She's a waitress. Now, they meet and they don't connect. Only, she noticed him. He could feel it. And he noticed her. And they both knew it was going to happen. They made love, and for maybe one whole night, they forgot the 10 million things that make people think, I don't love this person, I don't like this person, I don't know this- Instead, it was perfect, and they were perfect. And that's all there was to know about. Only now, she's beginning to forget all that, and pretty soon he's going to forget it too.

huh...

falling in love is like buying a lottery ticket

no matter how much of it you have,
you can never expect to win.

As of 2:50 -ish pm today my eldest sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

I still can't believe it,

I'm an AUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

retarded 3 year old me

time is unkind

I once read a quote from Donald Trump, “A man who loves his job never labors”.

I wonder why I keep having the desire to dream and try a certain career, but that desire quickly disappears as fast as it comes. I have a particular idea of the woman I aspire to be. But till this point I’m dubious about my true identity and my capability, or whether I would enjoy doing something and find it worthwhile for once. And I know without that missing part, I could never change myself to be that woman.

I am incredibly envious of people that know who they are, what they want to be in this life from an early age and struggle to be that. I think the power of will, and the lengths a person would go to reach one’s dream, is such an incredible gift God embedded in us.

But how do you find that? How do you know, for sure what your destiny is and what you’re meant to be on this earth? I know I’m not the first person to feel lost and desperate for an answer. Looking around me- I see lots of people, attempting to find that particular answer, maybe avoiding it, or desperately trying to fill in a void - in all the wrong places. It calms me a little sometimes to find that there are other people on the same boat. But their lives aren’t mine. And I don't want to be anything like them. I can’t help but feel estranged and abandoned every now again.

I feel like I'm drifted in an ocean. Dark. I'm floating. I'm still.

How and why can I still be floating?

Maybe it’s my destiny to keep searching this way. To keep trying all sorts of things until I find what I’m truly meant to be. Could that be my life? Is life really about searching your purpose? I often think that destiny isn’t as far stretched as it is anything but one’s will. But I feel like I don’t have the courage to truly let go and live a life of constant uncertainty and have no control over my life, or absolutely nothing to sustain me in the future. In the meantime, time doesn't wait.

my vampire name

Your Vampire Name Is...

Lady the Insane

What's Your Vampire Name?

You are so beautiful to me.

Every song gives a different definition to the listeners ears, and this song particularly, has its own depths in touching my so-called sensitive being. The song emphasizes on the same sentence, over and over again, and yet that is the entity of what the creator had to convey. In spite every frustrating ugliness that envelops life, upon the acceptance of somebody- anyone, anything, in their every flaw- entirely. Those are the only magic words that seem reassuring to it all. Short and sweet. Such small yet powerful words have i found the song maker to succeed in enticing my current ever-so melancholic self. And as I listened to the song repeat itself, it made me smile, an inevitable smile. One filled with much bittersweetness..